Ep 114 - Out from the Shadows

The skills that make you valuable are often the ones you can't see—because they've become so natural, you think everyone has them. Spoiler: they don't. This episode unpacks why your most transferable capabilities are hiding in plain sight, how to stop underselling yourself because something feels "too easy" to matter, and why the people who get hired aren't always the most qualified—they're just the ones who can actually name what they bring. 

Transcript

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Have you ever had someone tell you you're really good at something and been genuinely surprised because you thought everyone could do it? Hi, this is Jordana. I'm the CEO of the Recon Network and host of the Im Brief Podcast. And today we're talking about shadow skills, the capabilities you've built over years of experience that are so natural to you now that you don't even register them as skills. There's reasons why you can't see them. They matter more than you think, and there are ways to start recognizing what you're actually bringing to the table so you can finally talk about it in a way that lands. And we're going to talk about all of that right now. This is in brief. Let's get to it. So I want to start with a question. What are you actually good at? I don't mean what your resume says or what your last job title was, but what are you genuinely, undeniably good at? And if you're like most people, especially those coming out of the military, your first instinct is probably going to be to list technical skills. You can operate equipment, you can manage logistics, you can lead a team under pressure, and those are real, but they're not the full picture. Underneath those technical skills, there's another layer, a set of capabilities that you use every single day but never name. Skills that feel so obvious to you that you assume everyone has them, and they show up in how you think, how you solve problems, how you read a room, or how you keep things moving when everything around you is chaotic. These are your shadow skills. And the reason you can't see them is because they've become invisible to you. Here's why. When you get good at something, really good, it stops feeling like a skill. And whether that's because you're inherently talented at something or you've just done it so many times that you can autopilot it, it feels like common sense. And because it feels automatic, you don't think to mention it. You don't put it on a resume, you don't bring it up in an interview, and you don't even really recognize it as valuable because if it's easy for you, it's probably easy for everybody else, right? And if that's the case, how is it possibly a skill? But here's the thing, it's not easy for everyone. It's easy for you because you've done it 10,000 times, because you've been trained in environments where that skill mattered, because your brain has automated something that other people still have to think about. And that automation, that effortless competence is exactly what makes it valuable. So let's talk about what shadow skills actually look like. Because they're not necessarily the things that you were trained to do, they're the things that you learned by doing things. Here are a few. You can assess a situation quickly and figure out what actually matters. Or you can keep your head when everyone else is panicking. Maybe you can take incomplete information and make a good decision anyway, or you read people, figure out what they need, what they're not saying, what they're actually going to follow through with. You can manage people or situations up, down, and sideways, or maybe you can coordinate across teams that don't naturally talk or communicate well with each other. You can also translate technical information to language that non-technical people can understand. See, out of that entire list, none of those are job specific. They aren't things that go hand in hand with a very specific role or company. They are skills that work across companies, across job descriptions, across management levels, and across industries. And the absolute best part is that all of them are transferable. But if you don't name them or know that you have them, no one else will either. Now in the military, these skills are often built into the fabric of your job. You don't get credit for them individually because everyone around you is expected to have them too. If you can stay calm under pressure, that isn't really special. It's required. If you can make decisions with incomplete information, that's not necessarily impressive. It's the job. So you never have to articulate them or prove that you have them. They're just assumed. But in civilian life, those skills aren't assumed. They're actually quite rare. And the people who have them are the ones who get hired, promoted, and trusted with the hardest problems. But only if they can name it. And this is where a lot of people in transition get stuck. Because when you sit down to write a resume or prepare for an interview or explain to someone what you bring to the table, you default to the technical. But the technical stuff is the easiest thing to replace. It's those shadow skills that make you irreplaceable. So how do you see the skills that you've spent years not noticing? Well, you ask other people. Not what am I good at. That question is a bit too broad and won't give you the answer that you're looking for. So instead ask, what do I do that you've seen other people struggle with? That question forces people to name the gap, the thing that you do that they don't see as common. When you ask this question, you'll likely hear things that surprise you. And those things, those observations from the outside, are the capabilities that you can't see because you're too close to them, and yet others can see them clearly. And there's a second way to identify these skills too. Look at the patterns. Think about the last five times someone came to you for help. What were they actually asking you for? Were they asking you to make sense out of something confusing, to calm them down when they were overwhelmed, to figure out what to do when the path wasn't clear? To mediate between two people who weren't communicating. Whatever that pattern is, you might be able to determine it as a shadow skill. Then, of course, once you've identified your shadow skills, you need to know how to talk about them. Because you can't just say, I'm good under pressure. That's vague. Instead, what you need to do is contextualize it, give examples, tell the story of what it looks like when you use that skill. So not I'm good at managing chaos, because that could mean anything. But when a project went off the rails and the timeline collapsed, I pulled the team together, reprioritized what actually mattered, and got us back on track in 48 hours. That's not bragging, that's evidence. That's you proving what you can do. The biggest part of identifying your shadow skills is giving yourself permission to own them. Not arrogantly, not performatively, but clearly. The skills you've built matter, and the people who need them can't find you if you don't name them. And remember, no matter what it feels like right now, you're not actually starting from zero. You're not building a skill set from scratch. You already have these capabilities that most people spend years trying to develop. You just can't see them yet because they become a natural part of how you operate. But that doesn't make them less valuable. It actually makes them more valuable because they're real, they're proven, and they're already a part of who you are. The hardest skills to see are the ones you use every day, the ones that feel so natural that you forget their skills at all. But those are the ones that set you apart. Those are the ones that make you the person people turn to when things get hard. And those are the ones you need to start naming so that the people who need what you have can finally find you. You're not missing skills. You're just missing the ability to see the things you already have.

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Most transition programs assume you already know what you want. But if you don't, then what? At the Recon Network, we run free events year-round to meet you where you are. From our annual VET Summit to online workshops and even in-person local events, we provide real training, real conversations, and practical insights you can use the same day. With a goal to get you the tools you need to find direction and meaning now. So if you don't know what you want or where you want to go, don't worry. There's no cost, no pressure. Just support when you need it. So find your next event at recon.bet and join us for something new.